This blog will step on a few toes, so I warn you, do not read if you have an issue with language or edgy content. But this is something I just had to write straight from the heart. Just recently, I was faced with a decision on what I really wanted to do with my life. Do I want to be a writer, go back to teaching, be a singer, or a songwriter? So many years I set out to have a book of 200 hundred songs and I would sing them and someone would discover me and I would be the next Mary J. Blige or Beyonce. Very recently those dreams got crushed.
I met a guy who was in close contact with a high profile record company and he was gonna put me on to one of his newly signed artists as a songwriter. So me and my cousin was negotiating the deal and things just kept coming up that left the deal in a dormant state, that is until some contract details with the artist were more clear and more detailed. In the meanwhile, I met a guy through a friend who wanted to help make sure that the songs I would be writing and possibly getting on the album were top notch. That way if the song made it we would both eat; him as a producer and me as a songwriter sharing 50/50 publishing. All of that changed the moment I was invited to his home production studio to listen to new tracks. He pulled out his dick while I was listening and singing ideas in my head to the music he was playing and said, “Everybody has to pay their dues.” I ignored him at first because I’m thinking, “this shit is not happening.” But then he put it in my face and said, “You wanna use those tracks, you gotta use your head.” I left. He then called me and I immediately sent him to voicemail and he left me a message saying, “You messed up a great opportunity. I could’ve sent your music to some other people I know who are looking for music, but since you’re not willing to do the work for it, just zero those beats I gave you.” Then as a cherry topper he said, “what one songwriter won’t do, another one will.” I was crushed.
All my dreams as a little girl of being discovered went out the window. And I haven’t looked at music the same.
But then it made me wonder…how many singers do I listen to a daily basis that “have paid their dues.” I mean….who fucked for that beat, or gave head for that deal, or licked for that production deal. Then I thought about him…who did he suck or fuck to get the heads up on production that he has. And I thought…maybe five minutes of head wouldn’t have been that bad. After all it could’ve jumpstarted my career. I could be sitting on more money than I’ve ever had in a couple of months. Then I called a friend of mine who has been producing for like 10 years and his shit is fire for real and I told him what happened and he said, “Yo, that shit happens to guys as well.” He said, “And I’m not talking about from other women, I’m talking about being propositioned from other men.” He then went on to say that he was giving music up because he’s put so much time and effort and heart into it and he can’t get a production deal to save his life. He said, “I mean, do I have to be a part of some secret cult?”
And I’m sure so many women and men have been propositioned to do the same thing…join my society, have sex with me, give me some head, jump off my crew….deal or no deal.
And since this altercation, I never looked at music the same. I no longer believe that people with pure talent are getting these production deals with talent alone. I’ve been on soundclick and myspace and I hear the talent that’s out there and there’s no way that Cassie got a deal (not saying she fucked somebody who knew somebody and she fucked them too), but there’s no way she’s got a deal and LL is without a label. There was a time when music didn’t have a face. It didn’t have a body. It only had a sound, and that sound made you who you were, not what you did to Russell Simmons’ best friend over at Def Jam.
And now when I look at E! True Hollywood story and read articles about how a singer/producer/even now actors and actresses are discovered. I now don’t believe their stories of, “I was in a club and I was approached by a producer, or I bumped into such and such at a charity event and this happened, or my cousin was an intern at such and such label and I went to have lunch with him/her and he/she introduced me to such and such and told them I was a singer and they asked me to sing something and I did and I got a 2 million dollar deal with publishing. I don’t believe them.. I now want to scream into the television, “Tell the truth, you gave up the cookies and you young man gave up the head for your deal, or you sold your soul to this society in exchange for fortune and fame. I don’t believe that hard work alone got everybody to the top. So the next time, those of you who are guilty of doing this want to get on television or in a magazine and give your advice about how a young girl or boy should handle their dreams tell them the truth….Tell them, “Just do like I did, suck him, fuck her, join them…and you will get your deal. That’s all it takes.” Cause when I look at all these talentless individuals on top of the music world, that’s exactly what I think you did to get there. You took the deal.. And yeah, you’re sitting on a couple hundred thousand, and I’m still praying that one day I can sell a song without having to sell my ass, but that’s okay, cause me along with a lot of people who decided not to deal, when we make it, we can look at ourselves in the mirror once we make it and say, “I did this through hard work, not through getting someone hard.” I'm not saying that everybody had sex to get to the top...but, I'm jus' sayin'. Be not easily broken...
